Forever
by Serenity984
Summary: A story about friends helping each other, finding out who the other is and just being there when times are tough. Its about depression, moving on from it and having others there by your side. It is also about forgiving people and facing the truth.
1. Chapter 1

Below is a list of the characters, of course and their parents. Yes, yes I know the names of the parents don't match up to the show but it doesn't matter. The parents are not the main characters and will be barely mentioned through out the story. I needed them for the first phase however and did not want to confuse some as I probably normally do. My grammar and such has not improved since my long vacation away - I know this and I warned you so I won't lose sleep tonight.

Tai/Kari = Zack, Emma

Tk/Matt = Nancy, Malcolm

Sora = Beth/Vince

Joe = Nathan/Sarah

Izzy = Janice /Jack

Mimi =Mary/Todd

Davis/Jun =Even/ Lilia

* * *

It all started about dreaming of the future. About the ideas and the plans. They would never grow old; always feel as young as they are now. More in love then they are now and closer then they will be in the years of the future. They were to stay together, be together forever. As lovers, as friends, as brothers and sisters. Their world would never shatter.

Forever, a simple word. So easy to say. It puts a smile on young lovers' lips. It warms the body and the soul and fills the mind with dreams of happily ever after...

Malcolm smiled down as his future wife as she smiled back into his eyes. He placed a strong arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to his tall lengthy frame.

"So, everyone is in agreement?" Zack looked around his friends with a serious face. They stood within the light of the campfire. Zack with his back against the flicking flames and his friends in a close circle facing him. "Every year we meet back at this cabin. This reunion will not be broken. We'll do this…well forever. Agree?"

"What if this cabin burns or…" Nathan spoke up looking around a bit worried.

"Then we'll meet at the one that will replace this one." Zack grinned, placing an easy hand on top of his friend, giving his hair a slight teasing so it stuck up. "Come on guys, we are going to be friends forever. We need to stay connected."

"Forever friends!" Sarah held up her wine designed glass that held nothing but pure water. Three weeks late, she would not be taking any chances.

"Forever." Nancy held up her glass as well.

"Forever." Malcolm kissed the top of Nancy's head as he touched her glass with his own.

"Forever." Todd gave a sheepish grin and raised his glass, "Who knows what our future will bring but this, yeah I can do this."

"I'm in it forever." Mary hooked her arms around Todd's waist. "I'll make sure he follows through."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Vince rested his arm on his girlfriend's shoulder. "We are going separate ways to college, a meeting ground sounds rational." He looked down at Beth's rusty eyes. "What'd you think?"

Beth held up her glass, "The future awaits and we don't know what it will bring but I'll be here."

"I hate making plans, they never turn out the way I want them too." Janice gave a slight frown.

"We'll make it work doll." Jack winked at her and held up his glass. "Forever."

"Forever," Janice gave in with a sigh.

"I got nothing to lose." Even raised his glass, touching his friends. "I'm sure Lila will agree as well as soon as the morning stickiness passes."

"I can't believe we are going to have a baby at the same time!" Sarah smiled with excitement.

Forever…it's a strong word that gives people hope and promises. It binds people to an emotional contract. It gives them something to look forward to as the day ends and the night begins.

* * *

Eight Years after Forever….

"They're fighting again." Emma leaned against her husband of ten years, placing her head against his upper arm. She felt Zack nod his head and she felt the heavy gloom holding him there, watching his two friends at the lake's water edge.

"I thought they'd be together forever." Zack whispered, slipping his arm from her hold so he could place it around her. He drew her close to him. "I wish you could had seen them eight years ago when we were all young. The way they looked at each other, it was amazing. I wanted that. I wanted to have someone to love like that." He grinned down at her. "Guess I got my wish."

Emma smiled back. She came into this group of friends later, when they were all in their early twenties. She loved them immediate and the feeling seem to be mutual. "Maybe they'll work through it."

"Just wish I can help them, you know? Find out what's going on but neither of them will talk about it." Zack turned his eyes back towards Malcolm and Nancy who was now waving her arms around. They were at a distant, which no words could be heard but their body language said what their voices could not carry.

A young seven year old Tai glanced up from his mud pie watching as Matt leaned heavily against an oak tree that shield them from the sun and their parent's view. Tai quickly glanced at Sora, who flopped a round, pie looking patty down on an old tree stump.

She gave Tai a shrug of her slim shoulders but stood up when he did, wiping off the mud on her bright yellow shirt. They passed the sandbox where little Tk , Davis and Kari played. Izzy was sitting on a pinic table bench watch them approach.

"What's up?" He asked, closing his laptop and scramble from the table and followed them.

This time Tai shrugged his shoulders but they continue their little steps to a friend. They were lucky that their parents all lived pretty close to each other when they married and settled down. Now their parents' friendship had passed down to them. They were growing up together, like an extended family.

Tai leaned against the other side of the oak tree and looked down at the embankment where Matt's eyes locked.

"My parents fight too." Tai whispered. "Like mom would yell at dad for not taking the trash out and dad would yell back that he's watching a program. Or Mom wouldn't fill up the gas tank on the car."

"My mom and dad fight over their plans." Sora piped in. "What we are doing for vacation or over the bills and Dad's 'toys'." Sora shrugged.

"Yeah, my parents fight too." Izzy nodded his head and crunched up his face. "Though I don't know what about because they always fight in their bedroom."

"I know." Matt whispered and gave a heavy sigh. "All parents fight." He repeated their words but they were empty to him. He knew that his parents were fighting over something much more then the trash or television set. He took a deep breath and grabbed the soccer ball from the ground. Turning, giving his friends the best fake smile he could pull up from his inner core, "let's play some ball."

"Yeah!" Tai howled and ran to the field with Sora close behind. Izzy slowly chugged behind them.

"You are going to be okay?" Joe asked from the hammock near the spot the group had just gathered.

"Right as rain." Matt smiled at the oldest in their group, the corner of his lips quivering slightly.

Joe nodded his head, not believing him but not wanting to push him either. It would be something he would come to regret.

Matt jogged after them, pausing a moment at his four year old brother rambling on to Tai's little sister about his bulldozer. Kari gave a giggle and stuck a tree stem down the center of her large sand mound. Davis dumped his bottled water into a hole he had made and pushed his cars through it.

"Come on!" Tai yelled at Matt. "You got the ball!"

A slight breeze picked up enough to roll Davis' empty bottle to the other side of the sandbox. It causes a slight stir of milkweed puffs to float into the air around the laughing children in the field who now kicked the soccer ball. Strong enough to chase the butterfly Mimi tried to capture back into the sky. Strong enough to whisper to the lake's crystal clear water an order of ripples towards the edge of the lake. It was just so slight but enough to know a change was coming.

Forever…it is a deceiving word. When you strip it down you get a word that really gives one false hope and false future, of false plans and false promises. For everyone knows when the mood settles, the light dims and tomorrow comes, nothing is ever truly forever.


	2. Chapter 2

** Twilight Phantom Dragonm - Thanks for being my first reviewer. Much appreciated and sorry it took so long. I kept working on it but I could not lift the spirit of the work below. It will lighten up a little but that is drama for you. **

** venus9814 - wow, your review was very happy! Happy is good :) again, sorry for the delay. This story is a little difficult to right because of the seriousness of it and all. I do tend to write little one-shots just to ease up my writing a bit. **

**xSoraCloudx - aw, thanks for liking the story. Where is it set...well that is a good question. I tend not to give location to my stories because I think in everyone's mind, you set the story in your own place. I read many books that do not focus on the location in which the story takes place. But in my mind - I would say the location is mid-states of America. Matt I always pictured in Switzerland, England, France - around that area. Really though - I'm leaving it up to the readers. **

* * *

Depression of the soul, how can one describe the way that feels for those who never felt the true despair. It is of a war raging within. It's you against a thousand thoughts and no hero in sight to save you from yourself. It knows that you are broken but having no means to put the pieces back to make it right. It's not knowing what makes you feel as you do but enough to know that it isn't how you should feel. It's being drowned by the world and the dreadful tiredness of struggling for the surfaces as each wave crashes down upon you. Rolling you under the wave, taken your breath away.

What of the other side of the depression. The side of those on the other end who watch the struggle and are unable to help. Afraid to push too far or not to push far enough. To hold on tight in fear their love one would slip away or afraid that holding on would cause the other to bolt too far. It's like walking on ice so thin that the ice buckles under the weight. Thin vein like cracks zips through the ice wall, threaten to break into pieces. Sometimes it does and then what? Where do you go from there?

* * *

Matt blinked his brilliant blue eyes a few times before shifting his tall form into a sitting position. The back seat of the rented jeep was not an ideal sleeping spot. Not for someone of his height. He glanced up at the review mirror in time to catch his father's warm brown eyes flicker on him. Matt quickly averted his vision to the passing of the trees and shrubs that grew endlessly along the rough, dirt road. The jeep hit another small dip in the road, no doubt created from years of pounding rain that were never nor will ever be patched up.

"We're almost there, tiger." His father called from the driver's seat with false happiness in his voice.

'Tiger' Matt gave an inward grin. His father seemed to fall back on pet names far too often lately. Matt lolled his head against the car's window, wanting to feel its coolness against his feverish head. They were heading to some kind of lake side cabin, one that Matt had been to once before, when he was very young. When he was naïve, carefree, a child. When his family was together.

He loved the summers at the lake with the other children. The campfires, catching bugs and frogs, watching clouds, swimming until evening and the cookouts with charcoal burgers and hot dogs. He missed the silent time he spent with his father and little brother during late night fishing. Of course the silence didn't come until Tk was curled up against his father's side, snuggled in a blanket Malcolm brought along.

Those kids, Matt almost forgotten about them. He had been neighbors with two of them, or was it three of them? That was before his mother, Nancy destroyed the family. Matt, wanting to stay with his father, moved across seas and hadn't seen them since. Of course his little brother would visit several times a year.

The children belong to that of his father's close friends. Friends that stayed together through out their entire school life, from grade school to college and through adulthood. Friends like that are rare. Matt loved when his father took him back to the past, to his childhood memories and at one time, he envied his father for the close bond of his friendship. Recently, Matt realized that he had that same bond through his band mates; he just never saw it until he needed it.

His father would meet with his friends at least once a year at the cabin for a reunion of sorts. Malcolm always looked forward to the reunion and his excitement would spread like fire to his boys who would bounce on the bed as his father would tell those stories of his own childhood as he packed..

The problem then came to be that Malcolm's friends were also Nancy's friends so naturally after the separation turned into a divorcé, she was still welcome at the cabin. Malcolm did not want to go the first year, nor did Matt.

When TK would visit, the boy brought pictures of the reunion he still attend with Nancy. He brought the pictures for their father to see and the stories that went with each picture. He tried to share some of the pictures with Matt, but his older brother had no desire to look at them. They were of people he barely knew and their kids. They were of Nancy too and a few years later, of his step-father he never met.

For Mr. Ishida, time did heal the broken heart. The woman he had loved was no more nor was he the same man Nancy married many years ago. So it wasn't that Mr. Ishida couldn't stand being in the same house as Nancy, well in parts it was the reason but that was in the earlier stages of the separation. It was because Matt refused to see her. He would fight his father over the topic each time it was brought up. Matt knew it was selfish but he just couldn't help it. He told his father to go, enjoy the trip and that he would be safe and sound at his grandmother's house.

Mr. Ishida stayed though, missing the reunion every year. Telling his friends, "I'll be there next year." Every year, his friends would call to remind him of the reunion, they never gave up on him. This went on for many years and now, the trip was set in motion but the matter that sent things into action was based on trying to save a life.

* * *

The disturbed surface was caused by a toss of a rock and the gulping sound that followed as the lake swallows the heavy lump. Tk picked another rock up and bounced it in his hands to feel its weight before giving it a toss at the lake. It landed with a hollow echo of gulping as the first one did.

"If you throw like that during baseball season, you might be able to knock out the batter." Tai scuffed, walking up to the blonde with his hands shoved in his short's pocket. "In the meantime, it's the fish that are worried. An inbound flying object from the world of above where the air is dry and, well you know."

"Hey." Tk muttered, finding another rock near the bank of the lake. "Why worried about the fish? You like them well enough during dinner."

"Hey to you." Tai spotted a skipping stone and gave it a side toss. The stone cut through the surface four times before it plunked into the depths of the lake. Tk watched it from where he stood, not saying a word.

Tai scuffed the watery soil with the toe of his worn out sneakers. "I'm lost here Tk." Tai spoke softly. "I don't know how to help you. I want to be able to do something for you. We all do." Tai gestured back towards the frame of trees where silently the other friends waited and watched. They sat on large boulder stones jabbing out from the earth or leaned against a thick trunk of a tree.

"Yeah, I know." Tk slipped off his hat, folding it against his leg and turned to his friend. Under his eyes were dark indication of lack of sleep and the white of his eyes, scorched with tint of red from a night of crying in silence. "I'm not the one to worry about though, am I? I mean, how do I help him? How do I know he won't try it again? Can you imagine being in a world that you feel so alone, that what he did is the only way he felt to escape it?"

'What he did' Tai flinched at the words. Tk couldn't even say it but opt to choose words to fit around it.

"Mom blames dad." Tk told him as he placed his hat back on top of his head. "She thinks this wouldn't have happen if Matt stayed with her. Dad probably blames himself too."

"What do you think?" Tai sat down on the stony foundation, not caring if his backside got wet.

Tk gave a dry laugh. He didn't think it really matter what he thought, his parents are going to believe whatever they wanted.

"Do you think he would have been better off with you and your mom?" Tai asked again, wrapping his arms around his legs.

"No." Tk looked back over at the silent lake. "I think things would have been worse because Mom…Mom wouldn't understand him. He's a lot like dad."

"Yeah, he was always a little weird like that." Tai joked. "But if I recalled, he was always willing to get into a mud battle."

Tk grinned remembering when the older kids tossed mud at each other until every each of their bodies were caked with the watery dirt mixture.

"Remember how he had us all go looking for grasshoppers for fishing bait?" Sora slide from the slope, the others were following close behind her.

"He always threw my shoes up in the trees." Davis barked.

"They were bushes, Davis." Izzy informed him.

"Looked like trees back then." Davis sat on an old washed up log. Jun, Kari and Izzy sat down beside him. Mimi preferred to stand with her hands behind her back and her eyes locked on the ground for spiders. Joe found a nice rock that looked almost like it was meant to be sat on. Almost…he winced and shifted his weight.

"I always like shadow tag." Tai beamed. "Jumping on your shadows' head."

Izzy laughed, "Remember when you and Matt started howling at the moon!" Izzy slapped his leg. "And…and Davis thought you guys were werewolves!"

"You guys made me watch that wolf-man movie the night before." Davis frowned. "And you guys had bite marks on your arms!"

"Yeah." Tai grinned, thinking back to his younger days. "We bite ourselves, just enough to make teeth impression."

"I remember tag and kiss." Jun smiled and winked at the other two girls.

"Funny thing about that was that Matt and Tai were the only ones who got chased." Joe muttered.

"Aw, poor Joey." Mimi rubbed his shoulders.

"Fun times." Tai sighed, sitting up finally with a clap of his hands. "And we will have more of them. Hopefully more tag and kiss. Back then, I didn't understand it completely."

"Now?" Sora looked up at him as he offered her a hand.

"I have been enlighted." Tai smirked.

"We'll get through this together, Tk." Mimi slipped her arm through the younger boy's and steered him back to the cabin.

"Yeah, it's the reason why your dad wanted him brought here." Joe told Tk. "To get away from the public eye. My dad will help and Matt will get the rest he needs."

"Joe's right. Dr. Kiddo is one of the finest doctors." Sora leaned against the other side of Tk.

"I thought he healed broken bones not mental stuff." Davis scratched his head.

"Why do you need to be a moron?" Tai slapped the back of his head.

"What?" Davis rubbed the back of his head. "What did I say wrong?"

"Dad is educated in more then one doctor degree. He just likes one over the other." Joe explained to Davis and others who might have been aware. "He said that with help of medication and just, you know talking might be all Matt really needs. Not that he won't ever slip back or anything. Its something he will have forever but he's aware of it and everyone else who can help him is aware of it."

"Yeah, I know." Tk leaned against Mimi with a heavy heart, her fragrance smelled of warmth and sweatiness. Her hair brushed gently against his jaw as he spoke. "Just, Matt really isn't one to pour out his feelings."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:Thanks for all the reads and reviews guys. happy time

Venus: Thanks for the encouraging words. I wrote the 'mom and son' spot in this chapter with you in mind. I hope you like it.

SweetCari: so happy you are hooked. I think this is where the evil laugh should come to place. I seem to be good at starting a story, its the stuff in the middle I have problems with. I hope you can keep reading and keep me on the path.

Sumi: Glad you enjoyed it :) It takes awhile to up date this because I am always changing things around.

SoraCloud: Well what can I say other then I smile every time I see you had review. I will get to the other chapter of New life this week sometime. Figured i switch back and forth but I haven't stopped.

TPD: Yeah, I do make mistakes and I am careless about it. I don't review my work, I just type it, change things, delete a huge amount of work, microsoft crashes on me all the time before I even save and... by that time I am bored with it. So grammar mistakes will be there because of my own fault. But you know, you are picking up on it, which means that you are really reading it. Just not skimming over for good parts that might be interesting but really reading it, absorbing it all in and that means a lot to me. So thanks :)

* * *

The jeep slowly pulled up the ribbed stoned drive to park neatly beside a small compact car. Mr. Ishida turned the key slowly, letting the engine die as he took in the scenery before him. TA paint job was giving to the cabin since the last time he was there. Shrubs now planted near the cabin and ivy shoots raced along the open porch. It now was white with blue trims, resembling more of a house in the woods then the rustic cabin he remembered. That was how the world worked now days. More wanted the quiet woodsy life style with all the comfort of home. He saw the front screen open and slam shut after a tall man who bounced down the few steps from the porch and headed in their direction.

Zack. Malcolm thought the name with a smile. He would know him anywhere. That goofy grin, the thick brown hair and his bouncy walk. A best friend he probably never deserved.

"You boys came all this way just to look at us through a car window?" Zack pulled the driver's side of the jeep open for his long time friend. "Come on, get out of there so I can see how old you gotten."

Malcolm slid out of the jeep and instantly, Zack gave him a hug in greetings like long last brothers. So many emotions spiraled through Malcolm's as he hung onto his friend. It felt like coming home after being lost and he felt lighter, as if bricks were suddenly eased off his shoulders. Relief and the feeling of safety settled over Malcolm, like finding refuge after a long battle. Knowing you was safe in the arms of friends. Then a bit of guilt washed over him. It was not he that needed the help but his son.

Zack pulled away with a pat to Malcolm's arm and his beaming trade like smile that told his old friend that things would work out. "You look like shit, Mal."

"Ah, well I never did have a poker face." Malcolm mumbled lifting a small back from the front seat. "I feel like shit. I am tired, emotionally drained and I am lost. I don't know what to do."

"I'm sure all that's normal. We'll figure it out once you boys are settled.' Zack lifted his eyebrows and a nodded to the back seat of the jeep. "How's he doing?"

"He slept most of the way." Malcolm looked back at his son who was gathering his musical device and hand games.

"Probably the best for him right now. I'm not the doctor but it seems to make sense." Zack crossed his arms and rocked on his heels. "I mean I'm sure he's not good after all but…"

"He closed himself off. Its how he has always dealt with things." Malcolm shrugged when Zack eyed him carefully. He ran his hand through his dark hair and took a deep breath as he noticed his ex-wife carefully walking towards the jeep. "Its how I usually deal with things. Maybe it is something he picked up from me. I don't know if this was such a good idea."

"Too late. No turning back now." Zack shook his head and he reached to the backseat door. "I'm not letting you run away again." He told Malcolm and opened the door for Matt. "Coming son?"

Matt barely looked up as he got out of the jeep. The fresh air hit him immediately like cool water splashing his face in the morning.

"Last time I seen you, there wasn't so much of you." Zack grinned at Matt and Malcolm. "I think he was maybe four-feet and now he's what? Six -four?"

"Something like that. Tk's getting up there too." Malcolm smiled proudly seeing his youngest son's head bobbing towards him from the distance.

"Well, let's get you boys set up." Zack took some stuff out of the jeep and started heading for the cabin. "We'll get the rest of your stuff later."

"Matt?" Nancy whispered as she step forward, throwing her arms around Matt. "My baby. I missed you so much!" She whispered, still clinging to him as if he would vaporize if she let go of him.

"Nancy." Beth whispered, brushing her friend's arm with a soft touch of her hand. Nancy looked over at her with a wide smile, she had her baby back. She finally was holding him in her arms after so many years. After the phone call, it was all she wanted. Just to hold him one more time. She now had that wish and Beth was interrupting it. "You should let him go so he can get settled." Beth continued to speak softly as the same time she placed her other hand on Nancy's shoulder to gently pry her away.

Nancy started to shake her head. Beth clearly did not understand that now she was holding him again. The phone call she received just two days ago, it was the most dreaded phone call of her life. She did not know if he would live or…She had him now. That was all the really matter. She had her baby boy again and when she looked up to his face, to search past the tired look, to look into his eyes so much bluer then her own Nancy felt despair wash over her.

He was not holding her. He was not going to lean into her embrace. Instead, he glared down at her as she was stranger invading his personal space. His body was stiff, not yielding her past his barriers. Nancy let her hands slip from Matt's shoulders, down his arm before letting go. Her eyes swam with tears but she pulled her chin up. He was not well, she reminded herself. He needed her; he just did not know it yet. Once in awhile, every boy needs his mama.

Malcolm's hand rested protectively on Matt's shoulder and pulled his son closer to him. "It's been a long trip." He explained to his ex-wife guiltily. "We're both a bit tired. Time difference and all…"

She nodded her head with a sniff and step back. Of course, it was an excuse, his explanation. It was to protect her from the truth. So many years went by; she was a stranger to her son. She watched as Malcolm led Matt into the cabin. Zack in front of them, speaking as nothing awkward had taken place.

"How about some tea?" Beth pulled her arm around Nancy to lead her back into the cabin. The others followed and started to lead him to the cabin.

"Dad? Matt?" Tk came running up from the wooded area before Malcolm could get inside the house. Malcolm still had his hand on Matt's shoulder, paused to allow Tk to catch up and like puppet on a string, Matt stopped as well.

"Hey Sport." Malcolm ruffled Tk's light blonde hair. "Why don't you help me and Matt get settled? Fancy carrying a few bags for me?" Malcolm slipped a shoulder bag off and handed over to Tk who gave a weak smile and took the bag. He gave a quick glance at his mother and Beth walking slowly up the stoned pathway. Then his gaze shifted to Matt his breath catching. He had no idea what to say to him. He wanted to scream at his older brother, demand to tell him the reason for his actions but at the same time, he wanted to guard him. Matt was once untouchable, in Tk's eyes. Nothing could harm him or break him. Like younger siblings, he had placed Matt on a shelf higher then any human could possible be placed and now, Matt fell from the shelf. Crashed into a million pieces. His brother was destructible, just like everyone else.

"Sure." Tk squeezed through the door past his father and Matt. He glanced up once at Matt and wanted to cry for him. His brother's face held no emotion; his eyes were hazed still from the pills he took a few days ago.

Zack clapped his shoulder for encouragement as Tk zipped passed him. "Mom spent all day yesterday airing the room out and washing the bedding. " Tk spoke as he led them through the rooms on the bottom floor.

"He doesn't recognize me." Nancy whispered, her tears finally falling. "My son doesn't even know who I am."

"Oh, Nancy." Beth wrapped her arms around Nancy in a hug, her eyes tearing up as well. She cried for her friend's hurt.

"Things are a little hazy for him right now." Nathan continued, trying to give her some comfort and understanding. "He took a lot of sleeping pills before he jumped, Nancy. Those pills are hard to get out of the system. He just needs some more sleep and fresh air before he can think straight."

* * *

Tk walked through the door, hurrying to place the bag he carried near one of the small drawers located near a corner wall. He watched his Zack, his unrelated Uncle; walk through the door with a cheery face. It was like nothing ever fazed him but with recent events, Tk knew that was not true. Everyone was destructible, even the bravest.

Matt and his father came in next and they walked towards one of the beds near the windows. Malcolm gently pushed down on Matt's shoulder, causing his son to sit down on the bed. Malcolm leaned down so he could look Matt in the eyes. It seemed like there was not anything there, nothing behind those brilliant colored orbs. "Love you. You know that, right." Malcolm did not see a reaction so he nodded his head before straighten up.

"I'm upstairs with the other guys. Maybe I can show you my room later?" Tk voice seemed to echo in the room.

Malcolm smiled and walked over to the younger boy. "Sure." He pulled him in his arms, kissed the top of his head. "All three of use will go for a walk in a few hours, okay?"

This kind of display of affection from his father was new. Tk nodded under his father's chin, he felt his tears wetting against his father's shirt. He tried to pull back, not wanting to seem like a baby but his father would not have anything of it. "I don't understand." Tk voice was shaky.

"I don't either, son." Malcolm whispered, still holding on to his boy. "We'll figure it out together."

"This room isn't as big as the others." Zack eyed the room, standing near the door. His gave a noiseless clap of his hands together in front, then swung them behind then back to the front. "But, well Nancy said that he took some pills and jumped too so we thought ground floor might be more reinsurance for us all."

"This is fine." Malcolm assured him, finally letting his death grip on TK ease up. "It's nice and bright. A lot of windows."

"Do you think he's still um…well, suicidal?" Zack saw Malcolm stiffen at the word and Tk flinched back into his father.

"He's not speaking." Malcolm sighed, looking back over at Matt who now lay back on the bed with his legs still on the floor. His eyes were stuck on the ceiling. "I don't know. I don't know anything at this point."

"You guys get some rest then we'll get some food in you and have that nice little walk around the lake." Zack beckoned Tk to come with him.

Tk glanced once up at his father, who nodded his head for him to go with his uncle. Tk headed towards the door but suddenly made a beeline to Matt's bed. He stood beside the bed, looking down at his older brother for a few minutes. Taken in the exhausted look, the dark circles under his eyes. "Love you." Tk whispered and leaned down to kiss the top of his brother's forehead. "Always will." Then he walked out the door with Zack's arm around him.

"Are you going to sleep with your boots on?" Malcolm sat down on his bed, watching his son. He did not answer. "Matt? You cannot shut yourself off like this; it obviously did not help the first time. Think of this as a second chance."

Malcolm took off his shoes but Matt still lay in the same positions. He rubbed his hands over his face and took some deep breaths. God, he was so lost. "I'm not going to let you shut us out, Matt."

He walked over and knelt down in front of the bed, pulling Matt's boots off for him. "Hell, if I knew you were going to do this, I would wish it was when you were a bit shorter." With some, difficult he managed to pull Matt comfortably on the bed. "How about some fresh air? Hmm, might do some good." Malcolm opened the window slightly near the bed. He leaned against the frame, watching the children outside laugh. "The others picked up a game of softball." Malcolm glanced over his shoulder at Matt but he his eyes were growing heavy now so Malcolm stared out the window, at the children and through the past where he could still hear their childish voices…

* * *

"Get the ball!" Matt yelled from the first base as eight-year-old Tai rushed after the ball from the center field. His little legs pushing him hard, the sugar rush pushing him fast. "She's stealing the base!"

"Girls rule!" Sora smirked as she slid into the home plate. Of course, she did not need to slide but there was no fun if you did not get a bit of dirt on you.

"Guys!" Tai stormed back to his pitcher mound. "For the last time, I am the pitcher. I do not go after balls in the fields. Do you know whose job that is?" He looked around the group. "It's the job of the people who are in the field! Now rise of hands of those who are out there. Come on, let me see them."

Tk and Davis slowly raised their hands in the air. Tk near tears, he hated to be yelled at

"That's right, it's your turn. Now, now don't get all soggy." Tai glared at the younger boys. "Sometimes we bigger kids need to be a bit forceful with you. It is how you learn to play the game. If we clapped you on the back and said nice try for standing there picking your noses, well through life you'll just always be there with your finger up your nose. You won't be able to breath!"

"Tai." Zack warned his son from the picnic table. "They're a lot younger then you are, don't be so harsh."

"That's disrupting, Tai." Mimi wrinkled her nose from behind the batter's line.

"We weren't picking our noses either." Davis shouted back, throwing his too big of a glove down on the grassy field they were using for softball. "You guys are just big bullies!"

Tk stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. Matt made a move towards him and Tk's tongue quickly went back into his mouth.

"Come to our side." Sora said sweetly, beckoning the little boys with her finger. "We're not bullies and we have cookies."

Davis and Tk smiled, slowly walking towards the girls.

"Don't do it!" Tai warned the boys. "They'll make you their minions!"

"Don't listen to the bullies." Mimi smiled wickedly at Tai. "We will treat you a lot better."

"And they have cookies." Davis explained, as that was enough for anyone when it came to picking sides.

"They also have coodies." Joe explained from his second base stance.

"Coodies?" Tk stopped, looking at Joe and then back at the girls. "Is that like chicken pox? It's really itchy."

Beth shook her head, keeping her smile hidden behind a magazine.

"Coodies, that gets you all the time." Malcolm grinned.

"Yeah, well we call them something else now." Zack winked at the ladies at the table.

"Yeah, just like chicken pox but worse!" Izzy nodded his head and held his hands up in the air. "But if you guys want to go over to them, fine. Get the coodies."

"You should know that it can turn you into girls." Joe pushed his glasses up to his noise.

"It does?" Zack gave a confused look at the adults.

"New one for me." Evan shrugged his shoulders, clearing enjoying the little argument.

"Maybe we should stop them." Emma looked a little worried.

"Let 'em be." Todd grinned. "They'll sort it out. Working things through is how its suppose to be. When they can't work it out, that's when we step in."

"You won't be able to sleep in the boys' room." Tai went on.

"Or pee on the trees." Matt added, as that was the most important thing in life.

"You have to squat." Tai went on.

"Okay that's enough." Zack slapped his hands together to break the little argument up. He didn't want to go through any kind of gender discussion. "I think a good game of hide and seek is the next game. Why don't you kids all pick a different place to hide and we parents will find you!"

"And that's how you do it!" Vince hooted holding up his can of beer. "You send them scattering away from each other and we can take our sweet time finding them. Silence my friend, silence is a sweet thing!"

* * *

Malcolm pushed himself away from the window, away from the memories and eased himself on the other bed. He lay on his back, letting his body sink into the bed. Maybe now he would be able to get some sleep, knowing he was not alone. He would not be the only one keeping an eye on Matt.

Matt let his eyes lids close but his mind still seem to race. He heard the bed in the opposite side of the room squeak from his father's weight. He wanted to tell him he was fine but he was not sure if that was the truth. It could not be, not after what he did. The flash back of that night seemed hazy, felt dream like. Even now, things felt unreal. The steps he took seem heavy like he was shackled at the ankles. The voices seemed to be at a distance and he strained to hear them but they always seemed to be muffled. When they touched him, it was like looking down at himself. Seeing their tender gesture but not being able to feel it. He was numb and he was tired.

The sleeping pills. The pills cause his memory to be fuzzy and this fog to hang in front of him. He remembered taking them but was not sure how many. It was not a new bottle but there was a lot left inside. Sleep, that was all he wanted to do but it would never come.

He remembered the water as well. The sinking feeling as he slipped passed the surface. The current taking him under but he felt like stone, sinking faster into the depths of the salty water. Waves crashing against him, buckling him repeatedly. He did not feel fear, just numbness.

Someone had pulled him up to the surface. He did not remember it but he heard the talk. Everyone now spoke as if he was not there, that he was not aware of anything happening. He was of course but he was fighting this fog his head. He wanted to yell at them, to tell them that he could hear them talking about him. He heard them making plans or suggesting. He heard the pity in their voices. He was not after pity. He was not after this kind of attention. He did not want any of it. He just wanted to be let alone. Alone, that was something he understood.

Like them, he did not understand any of it. He knew he had a good life. He knew people around the world would give anything to have what he has going for him. He was famous; he could go anywhere and do anything. He was intelligent and people knew it. He was rich and not even an adult yet. He was good looking, he knew that too.

So why give all that up? He asked himself. Why does it make me feel like I'm drowning?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Hmmm….what can I say but hey again. Oh sure, I had this huge speech but if anyone is really reading this - no one really cares about a long winded speech. I am still here just under a different name and in a different category. I still love the characters here and I feel they will always work best for me…for some reason. This is an unedited chapter so naturally expect some mistakes.

* * *

Home: It is a structure of living within that protects us from the nature's weatherly cycles. It shelters us from the rain, from the cold, from the snow, from the wind and sometimes from the world outside.

Parental Instincts: They are living people who conceived a child. A parental instinct is a yearning to protect children by finding shelter from the rain, the cold, the snow, the wind and from the world outside of their loving embrace.

Home and Family – not much difference, perhaps that is the reason so many believe home is where the heart is.

It was the smell of warmth and familiarity that woke Matt slowly from his dreamless sleep. He blinked back the threat of closing eye lids to glance at the open window that allowed the smell of rich pine and forest floor seep into his room. The sun still was out in the sky but not as bright on first arrival. He slowly sat up on the bed, sliding his feet to the floor and rubbing his eyes. The thin blanket that had been draped over him now twisted around his waist and lap.

Tiredly, Matt unleashed himself from the blanket and turned to the bed that his father's soft snores still arose from. His father slept on his stomach and like Matt, he was fully clothed, even his shoes were still on. It appeared that he just crashed landed on the bed and fell instantly asleep. The wound within Matt seeped once more. The lack of sleep was just another of many things Matt seemed to cause his father. All he wanted to do was snap his fingers and make this whole ordeal disappear. It was a mistake and now everyone was surrounded him, suffocating him because of it.

Matt reached to the floor, pulling his black boots onto his socked feet. He loved these boots well they were part of his stage persona, which was more of who he really was. Rock t-shirts and his black boots, he didn't need anything else. Cross that, he needed his instruments. They were in fact his survival tools. It was his musical nature that usually was his inner release. The instruments sang for him, cried for him and even laugh for him. He needed them. Lately his music career had become something more to most but less to him. Everything was for the fans and Matt knew it was the fans that kept the band in the spot light but he didn't care about that. He loved making music whether his father was the only one who would ever listen to it or if a million were tuning in. Coming out on to stage, becoming a huge success meant that nothing was his secret. Everything he did or didn't do was chucked up into other people's idea and meanings. Matt was a private person and now, nothing was private. Who he dated, who he was seen with, what he drank and good lord if someone saw him pop an aspirin he was suddenly a drug user. Ah, but his recent expectation probably feed that story.

Slowly Matt rose from the bed and walked towards his father's own bed. If Matt was going to fix the things he broken it was best to start now in putting the pieces together. First he would start with the two people who meant the world to him, his father and his brother.

'Dad?' Matt gently gave his father a small shake. Usually his father would grumble nonsense words and Matt would have to perform another small shake in order to wake his father.

'W-what?' Malcolm bolted up suddenly nearly missing smacking Matt's chin with his head. 'Matt? What's wrong?' Malcolm's eyes were dancing over Matt's face as he tried to read any signs of distress on his son's features. 'You okay? Is it your stomach?' Malcolm reached out to touching his son's cheek and forehead. The pills Matt had taken caused dehydration, which in turn was giving Matt headaches, and some stomach cramps. Though the doctor at the hospital reassured no signs of internal organs were damaged, such as the liver and stomach lining, it was still something to watch out for.

With his hand, Matt pulled his father's touch away from his face. He couldn't help but see the concern in his father's brown eyes. Matt gave his father a shaky smile as he often did when he was a child and unsure of himself, a smile his father hadn't seen in many years. It made Matt look all the more vulnerable. 'I am a bit hungry.'

'You're hungry?' Malcolm smiled brightly or maybe more with relief. His son was hungry and was talking. He pushed himself off the bed, his hand instantly fell on Matt's back as he lead his son out the door of their bedroom.

The cabin, if one would actually call it that, was empty in the entertainment room and so forth into the entrance hallway and into the kitchen where they finally spotted Zack and his son, Tai. Apparently they were both trying to stack their sandwiches higher. Zack had years of practice but Tai seemed to have taken Zack's teaching and amplified it, as he was winning in the sandwich battle by four inches more than his father. Both looked up with comical stares of being caught littering the kitchen with all of their toppings. Lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, burgers, pickles, mayonnaises, ketchup, mustard, butter, chives, onions, olives, rolls and cheese were scattered on countertops and the small island table set in the mist of the kitchen.

'You guys hungry?' Zack offered his masterpiece towards his old friend.

Tai looked at his father as he was just zapped with full blown craziness.

Zack tried to nudge his son in an unnoticeable manner, failing completely at it.

'Uh. Yeah.' Tai held out his sandwich but more regrettable look on his tanned face.

Matt wrinkled his nose as a massive slop of mixed mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup leaked out of the sandwich and onto the table. He looked quickly over to his father, eyes asking 'do I have too'. Malcolm held out his hand, shook his head in decline.

'Thank you but I think it's best if we have something a bit…lighter.' Malcolm patted Zack on the shoulder as he walked passed him. Matt made a larger circle around the pair, trying to avoid the sandwich explosion as he walked to his father as he pulled the refrigerator open.

'There's jello in there.' Tai said over a mouthful of his sandwich. In fear of having to offer it again, he quickly took a claiming bite out of it.

Malcolm glanced at Matt who shook his head.

'There's ice cream.' Zack also claimed a mouth of his own sandwich, there was no turning back now. The sandwiches were saved from the offering table.

Malcolm shook his head this time.

'There's potato salad in there.' Tai mentioned.

'And macaroni salad.' Zack added.

'And egg salad.' Tai pitched in.

'And tuna salad.' Zack reminded him.

'No.' Tai shook his head and held up his sandwich. 'I used the rest of that. It acts like edible glue, holds all the stuff together.'

'Is that what you used?' Zack picked up a bit of the roll of Tai's sandwich, studing it with interested in his eyes. 'I was wondering how you were able to keep the tomato from falling out.'

'Keeps the pickles in the right place too.' Tai added, heaving another bite from his masterpiece.

'I'll keep that in mind the next time.' Zack nodded his approval before rubbing Tai's messed up hair.

Malcolm and Matt settled for the potato salad and some cold chicken they found safely untouched from the two kitchen buddies.

'Emma made that.' Zack nodded to the chicken with a warm smile. 'Better take two. Trust us.' Zack pointed to himself than to his son. 'One is never enough.'

Not to be impolite, Malcolm put another helping of chicken on his plate. In fact, he was sure he would be able to eat the whole plateful. Now that his son seemed to be out of harm's way, he was able to focus on eating again. Matt however just kept to the small portion he already had. It didn't bother Malcolm since Matt had always seemed to eat in small helpings than rather a large one meal. He passed two bottles of water to Matt that was kept in the refrigerator and one for him.

'Come out on the deck.' Zack waved to the pair as he held a glass door open that lead outdoors. 'Nice weather like this shouldn't be viewed from the inside.'

'I agree.' Malcolm waited for Matt to slip outside before following. Zack gave his friend a quick wink of encouragement or maybe it was a bit of strength but it meant he wasn't alone.

'Tai.' Zack nodded to the deck, still holding the door open as Tai tried to balance his own plate of chicken, sandwich and jello.

'Umming,' Tai said with a chicken leg stuck in his mouth.

Tai put all his edible gatherings onto the deck table, rubbed his hands as he tried to figure out the best strategy to consumer the meal. He wasn't unaware of the ackward silence between the four. Focus not on the silence but the food at hand.

'This is nice.' Malcolm finally spoke as he nodded to the overlook of the lake. 'The weather is colder in our own country at this time of the year.'

'How do you like it over there?' Zack asked with interest and concern. He never liked his friend being so far away but that was Malcolm for you. Always had to be different of the group.

'I enjoy, really I do.' Malcolm spoke honestly. He smiled at Matt who was watching Tai like he was doing a magic trick of making food disappear. 'It's our home and right now, I feel very far away from it.'

'Well you know that old saying about home and the heart.' Zack nodded down to the group of kids jumping from the lake small boat docking area. 'That's why I feel like this is more home than anywhere else. Those kids, their mine too. I love each and everyone one of them.' He gave Matt a pointed glance but Matt had a little wrinkle in his nose as Tai decided chicken and jello together wasn't all that bad.

'They have really grown.' Malcolm smile was genuine as he watched Joe toss Sora into the lake. Davis and Tk were apparently ganging up on Mimi, who was pointing a finger at both of them as they advanced on her. He glanced over at Matt who picked at his food and shoved some water to encourage him to drink. Matt inwardly sighed as he reached for the bottled water and taking a large amount of it.

'They love it here. I love it here. The women, well it has a bathroom so they don't mind it too much.' Zack grinned enough to show off his dimples. 'Remember to stop once you hit plate, Tai.' His father kicked the leg of Tai's chair.

'I know, I know.' Tai gave an annoyed answer but quickly turned his attention down by the lake. He loved a good time and they were having it down there. Tai quickly stood up but hesitated. 'Hey, Matt you should come down with me. I can reintroduce you to everyone.'

Matt looked up at Tai and it was like his mind clicked off. Tai stood waiting on his answer and Matt slowly started to rise from the chair. Unknownly, Tai just offered an extension on Matt's invisible leash.

'Um, maybe later.' Malcolm's hand quickly went out to Matt's arm, gently stopping him from moving forward.

Tai's eyebrows shot up and he gave in indifference shrug, 'Sure.'

'That really isn't a bad idea.' Zack stacked his plate on top of Tai but didn't make a move of actually picking them up. 'Why don't we all go down to the lake? The wat…' Zack bit his tongue. Ah, water was a sudden fear in Malcolm's eye. Zack quickly understood. Malcolm wasn't ready to unattached Matt from his side and there was no way in hell he wanted Matt near any open vase amount of water.

Malcolm seemed to freeze, his hand still clutching Matt's arm. Zack stood up and placed his hand behind Tai's neck, turning him towards the steps. He kept his eyes on his friend though. 'Mal. Let's go. It's all baby steps from here.'

Matt waited for Malcolm response, once again hating himself for putting his father in this position. His father was always so sure of himself and now it was like he was second guessing everything.

Malcolm gave Matt a quick nod as he rose from his chair. He picked up his plate and Matt's and ready to take it back into the kitchen.

'Ah, no need.' Zack took the plates and stacked them on top of his and Tai's own. 'This place is like magic. You just leave it sit and eventually it disappears.'

'Dad didn't mum say…' Tai started.

'Ot.' Zack held up a hand. 'Secretly your mother likes to clean up after me. It makes her feel like she's carrying for me or something like that.'

'Yeah.' Tai gave his father a head shake. 'That's not what I'm getting when she yells at you about it. In fact..' Tai declined the few steps as he spoke to his father. 'I remember that whole 'strike' she did. You know, when she refused to wash dishes, do the laundry, pick up and…'

'Yeah well we recovered from that, didn't we.' Zack playfully pushed his son forward on the path leading down to the lake.

'Sure after you slept on the couch for a few weeks.' Tai winked back at his father before taking a jog ahead of the group.

'Sleeping beauty has awakened.' Tai bounced into his group of friends, literary, almost knocking Davis into the lake that the young boy just pulled himself out of. Tai gave Tk a bright smile and nodded back over his shoulder.

Tk , looking over Tai's shoulder, saw his brother and father approaching the group. 'Is he…does he seem okay?'

Tai gave a shrug and crossed his arms in front of him. 'Seems to be. He ate without choking.'

'Tai.' Sora rolled her eyes at her friend before turning her attention to the trio. 'Hey Uncle Zack. Did you come down to dunk Tai?'

'You think he needs it?' Zack titled his head slightly giving his son a brief glance over.

'Oh no, not at all.' Mimi shook her head, her honey brown hair sticking wetly to her neck and shoulders. 'We just like to see how fast the air in his head can cause him to break surface.'

'Ha-ha.' Tai mocked.

'Well, princess.' Zack made a move towards his son. 'I think I can arrange that!'

'You think so? Come on old man.' Tai waved is father on while his friends moved to give them room.

'Old man, huh.' Zack scowled at Tai. He swooped low, catching Tai behind his knees and hoisting the boy over his shoulders. 'I'll show you what this old man is made out of little boy.'

'Okay!' Tai laughed as his father spun him in the air. 'You're not quite as old.'

'Boys.' A lady's voice warned them from behind. 'Zack put Tai down before you hurt yourself.'

'Emma.' Malcolm smiled at Zack's wife. He held out his hand, which she took and leaned towards him so he could kiss her cheek. 'You look wonderful.'

'Malcolm, it's so good to see you again.' She held his hand for a moment, an endearing smile plastered on her face. She smiled towards Matt. 'It's good to see both of you again.'

'Aw, come on.' Tai wrinkled his nose in disgust. He looked at the mothers as they stared blankly at him. 'Do we have to go through this every time someone sees?' He mustered up a high voice as he turned to Joe. 'Oh darling's it sooo good to see you again! How long has it been?'

'Only a few minutes but it feels like a life time.' Joe mocked Tai's high pitch voice. He held out his hand, which Tai took it in his own.

'Okay, boys.' Zack rolled his eyes. 'How about a trip around the lake?' He held out his hand in the direction of the 'wilderness' path in which the kids started heading off.

'Hey, Matt!' Tai turned to his brother who was following him. 'I'll show you my fishing spot! It's the best spot around the whole lake.'

Zack leaned down to his wife, catching her by the ear. 'I might be in need of your skilled hands later, sweetheart.' He rubbed his shoulder with a wincing pain.

Emma shook her head and rolled her eyes. 'Why would you pick him up? He's almost a head taller than you and you're not as young as you think you are.'

Nancy watched her boys walking ahead of the parents. Tk was excitedly pointing to places where he had memories. The tree that tipped over during a rain storm, the place where the water slopped in deeper, and so much more. She fell into step with Malcolm. 'How is he? Really, Malcolm.'

'I'm not sure.' Malcolm smiled on seeing Matt smile at something Tk was saying.

'He seems to be doing good here.' Nancy looked up at her ex-husband a hopeful expression on her face.

'He always seem to be doing good.' Malcolm frowned. 'Think that might be the problem. I never know what is going on. He knows what I want to hear. That he's okay. That he will be fine.'

'Has he said anything on why he…' She gave a nervous twitch of her shoulders. Nancy wasn't ready to come to terms with the words for what her son did to himself. What could had happen if Toby, the drummer of the Wolves hadn't been there. Hadn't dived in after Matt. Hadn't pulled him to surface. Hadn't saved his life. 'Why he did it.'

Malcolm shook his head, he didn't know and honestly he wasn't pressing the issue. Matt was so much like him and no one could understand the difficult of expressing the inner feelings in words like he could. Matt wasn't ready to speak about it. Malcolm wasn't ready to hear about it. 'He's not ready to talk about it. It's okay though. He's safe and I'm keeping an eye on him.'

'Doesn't he need more?' Nancy asked, looking up once more to her ex-husband.

'Nathan will do the rest.' Malcolm gave her a reassuring smile. 'He's a good doctor; he'll do what is needed.'

* * *

Doctor Nathan Kiddo's sessions weren't going to be long, not at first and he knew this before he closed the door for privacy. He gave Matt two days to collect himself and to get reacquainted to the others once more. But now this afternoon, it was time to get to the bottom of things. Malcolm kept telling him that Matt was just like him. It was hard to tell any difference in their personalities. In a way it helped as Nathan had been Malcolm's friend for a great many years. So it helped that he already knew the battle plans. Yet, Matt was also his own person and there had to be a difference between them.

He found Matt in the music room, playing a soft melody on the piano. Naturally, Malcolm was in the room, sitting on a leather sofa reading a newspaper with cigarette smoke filtering the air above him.

'Careful, Malcolm.' Nathan nodded to his cigarette. 'Zack quite smoking a few years ago and decided everyone else should as well.'

'I'll hide from him.' Malcolm winked jokily. He watch Nathan take the chair across him with the most serious expression on his face. Then again, Nathan was quite the serious person. 'What's up, Doc?'

'Do you know many times I hear that?' Nathan rolled his eyes but grinned when Malcolm shrugged his shoulders, a silent _what do you expect_ expression. 'I think it's time I spoke with Matt.'

'Oh, right.' Malcolm quickly glanced over to where Matt played. 'He's a bit involved in that piece. Say, do you remember when we started a band? Probably the most exciting thing we ever done.'

'I do remember. We talk about it often in fact and now that you are here, well it will be more laughs. I believe Evan is speaking about bringing out the video.'

'No!' Malcolm laughed at the thought of seeing himself young again. 'We looked really stupid and we were terrible. I'd thought someone would burn it.'

'Nope. It still exist.' Nathan watched Malcolm carefully before leaning forward. 'You know you can't stay, right?'

'Stay?' Malcolm gave him a curious look.

Nathan nodded in Matt's direction. 'I'm talking with him alone. Unless he ask for you to sit in, I'm going to have to ask you to leave us alone.'

'That won't work, Nate.' Malcolm shook his head ready to butt heads with the doctor.

Nathan held up his hand to silence his friend. 'You're a good dad, Malcolm. We'll talk later but right now, you need to step back. Nothing is going to happen that you need to worry about. I'll keep him safe when in my care.'

'I know but…' Malcolm looked over once more at Matt.

'Malcolm.' Nathan pointed to the door. 'Leave.'

Malcolm growled but put his paper down.

Matt intently looked up from the keys of the piano as his father started passing him. Malcolm stopped and put a hand on his shoulders. 'Nate needs to speak to you.'

'Bout what?' Matt asked glancing over at Nathan's way before looking back at his father. Of course, he knew. He remembered his father mentioning Nathan to him on the trip. He had to confess his mortal sins to the man or something like that.

'I'll be right outside.' Malcolm rumbled his son's hair, giving his friend one more glance before walking out. It was harder then he thought, shutting the door behind. Not once since the incident had Matt been out of his sight. So in shutting the door, blocking his connection with his son who needed him the most, it was understandable that it tore at his heart.

Matt watched his father's back until the door clicked shut than turned back to his music sheet. He wasn't sure of the outcome of the new piece but it helped to keep going forward.

Nathan stood up and walked slowly over to the teenager. It had been so long since he saw the boy. There was no doubt that Nancy was his mother. He looked remarkably like her. The same perfect pale skin. The most intriguing bluish purple eyes and the golden thick hair. He was tall like Malcolm with broad shoulders.

Carefully Nathan shut the piano lid down on the keys, preventing Matt from continuing. 'I can't help but go back to you being a kid. Look at you now, taller than me I suppose.' Nathan beckoned Matt to follow him to the sitting area of the room. 'Still, one cannot help but remising about the younger days. When you were all small and more worried about what flavor ice cream you were going to get or…' Nathan laughed a little as he sat on the sofa Malcolm had been sitting on. The seat was still warm.

Matt took a comfortable chair, keeping space between him and the good doctor by using the coffee table as a divider. Nathan noticed but didn't mind. 'How much trouble you were going to get into once Mimi told you boys for filling her camping bag full of crickets.' Nathan shook his head clear of the image of the childhood. 'I miss those days. Everyone is growing up so fast, so frightening fast.' He tapped his fingers on the arm chair of the sofa, watching Matt carefully. 'Do you want to tell me what happen?'

'Not really.' Matt answered quit honestly.

'Yes, well that's understandable. However we must speak of it. It's a healing process.' Nathan gave another nod of his head. Matt continued to stare at him, which was a bit nerving. 'Do you remember what happen?' Nathan asked after a few moments of silence.

Matt shrugged his shoulders indifferently and glanced down at his boots. His memories were a bit off. 'I-I had a headache and couldn't sleep. I guess I took too many.' He looked up at Nathan but the man didn't encourage the story. 'The pills weren't working. I than went for a walk. I guess I got confused and fell over.'

'Toby Flint saved you. He's in your band right?' Nathan asked.

'Yeah. He's our drummer. He's kind of mellow. We were booked for the cruise.' Matt added picking at a hole in the leg of his jeans.

'He jumped right in after you. Found you quick enough, lucky thing too.' Nathan watched Matt's expression but the boy didn't seem fazed. 'His story is a bit different than yours, however.'

'How so?' Matt looked up quickly.

'The way he saw it, was that you climbed over the rail and…jumped.' Nathan explained. 'He went in after you and you put up no struggle but you already had taken water into your lungs at that point. You were drowning. The pills already started to work when you jumped, didn't they? Even if you wanted to change your mind, the drugs prevented you from saving yourself making you immobile, confused.'

'I fell.' Matt voice was a bit stern but didn't rise.

'When you were pulled back onto the ship, immediately cpr was done. Thankfully they knew what they were doing. You coughed some water up and undigested pills as well. If that hadn't happen, no one would have known you even took those capsules.' Nathan leaned forward, his hands between his legs as he observed the teen. 'It wasn't an accident, Matt. You are very lucky you had people watching over you. You were carefully watched for reaction of the medication as well as for the intake of water.

'So now the question is why? Why did you want to end your life, Matt.' Nathan scratched his chin.

'I'm not crazy. Not mental, I mean.'

'I never said you were, son.' Nathan moved to sit on the corner of the coffee table. 'We need to figure this out, Matt. A lot of people care deeply for you and this affects every one of them. Your father is afraid to leave you alone, at all. He's outside that door as we speak probably pacing back and forth.'

Matt eyed the door and was sure he saw a shadow pass through under the door.

'Tk is all stressed out. He's unsure what to do. His untouchable, the intimidating big brother shattered. That's a lot for the kid to handle. Then there's your mother…'

'This is nothing to her.' Matt spoke rather heatly.

'Why do you say that?' Nathan asked.

'Nothing.' Matt went back to picking at his jeans.

Nathan tapped Matt's knee gently. 'Do you know why your parents were devoiced?'

'Yes but…' Matt ran a hand through his hair before looking back at Nathan. 'This doesn't have anything to do with her.'

'You're angry with her?' Nathan watched the sarcasm grin appear on Matt's face. 'Your father and mother…'

'Nancy.' Matt glared at the doctor.

'And Nancy.' Nathan continued as if he were interrupted. 'Never spoke to us about their difficulties. They both wish us to remain neutral and thought that perhaps the best way was not to share what they were going through with us so we couldn't find blame.'

'I don't know what to tell you.' Matt turned back to looking at his boots.

Nathan clasped his hands together. 'Your band has been spectacular. Thriving in fact, have they not. How do you like being famous?'

Matt shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

'One more question and we'll leave it be for today.' Nathan smiled when Matt's eyes looked up eagerly on the thought of bolting for the door. He held up his index finger to the teen. 'Just one more, easy question, I promise. I want you to give an honest answer and do it without thinking. First answer that pops into your mind you blurt it out. Okay?'

Matt nodded his head in promise.

'How do you feel?' Nathan asked. 'Right now at this moment, one word.'

'Tired.' Matt didn't hesitate.

'Good answer.' Nathan nodded his head. 'A true answer. I know things seem overwhelming at the moment but it'll get easier. It's going to get a bit nerving having everyone looking over your shoulder but it's for the best. I know, you just want to be left alone but that's not going to happen. Exhausting is going to be a big part of how you feel for a while. Emotional exhausting is hard to put to rest.'

'Can you give me anything for it?' Matt asked. 'To help with sleeping?'

'No.' Nathan patted his shoulder before getting up.


End file.
